Last night, I came up with a whole plan for the beginning hours of my day.

The Plan (Expectation):

• Wake up early.

• Get dressed.

• Go on an hour-long bike ride.

• Come back and read my Bible for thirty minutes.

• Then hop on a meeting at 10am.

That’s a reasonable plan, right? Simple. Easy… Wrong.

The Attempt (Reality):

• “Early” is not a word in my vocabulary—it never has been. Yes, it’s something I need to work on, absolutely, but if there is not an event happening or an emergency, I have no reason to be up on a Saturday at 7am (that was my old narrative—now with Graciously Defined, I have every reason). Welp… somehow I was awake at 7:30 by the grace of God.

• The problem? I sat in bed too long because I was exhausted, and moving felt like, why me?

• I finally got up to get dressed… well, what I wanted to wear was still sitting in the dryer. I went to the dryer to get my clothes (washer and dryer are in the kitchen). Got in the kitchen and said, “Oh yeah—vitamins, can’t forget those.” Grabbed my clothes, changed… then changed again.

• By the time all of that happened, I sighed and stared at my pitbull and groaned. The bike ride wasn’t going to happen, though it sounded fun. This dog is crazy picky about where she has to use the bathroom, so I settled to just take her around the neighborhood loop.

• Came back, read my Bible for about fifteen minutes, and was about to go down a full biblical research dopamine rabbit hole when I realized I hadn’t eaten breakfast. So I made breakfast.

• Hopped on the meeting on time—but off camera—so I don’t burn the house down and so I can make my iced matcha latte.

In the end, I was left frustrated and feeling like a failure. Then I stopped and realized I do this a lot.

I try to plan my days as if I have control over what happens next, and then I bury the shame attached to the fact that my discipline never “aligns”… but is it not aligning, or am I just overloading myself with false expectations?

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3 Positive Outcomes that came from this question:

• I’m realizing I don’t need a grandiose plan for the day.

• Workouts don’t have to be in the morning they can be midday, which works better for me on some days anyway.

• Working with myself and my brain means moving at my pace following where my bursts of energy lead me throughout the day.

Which leads me to something called “Chaotic Discipline.” Two words that probably shouldn’t co-exist; but totally do.

What is Chaotic Discipline?

Chaotic Discipline only happens when we accept how we are wired, because the reality is we don’t operate in straight lines; we move in rhythms of intense focus, deep rest, creative play, and high-energy execution.

Which means that traditional Plan. Execute. Optimize. Repeat. mindset needs to be tossed out the window. It just doesn’t work.

Instead of strict routines and perfect habits, it looks like:

• Flexible structure (you have a plan, but it can bend—not fail)

• Following energy and focus rather than forcing timing

• Working in bursts of intensity, then resting

• Letting things look messy, but still moving forward

• Using supports (timers, body doubling, reminders) instead of relying on willpower

I want you to read that again. “You are still showing up”. Something I have to tell myself all the time now like a mantra is “Slow progress is still progress”. Trying to follow someone else’s version of discipline often leads to frustration, burnout, and the nagging feeling that we’re somehow “failing” but we aren’t we have to find what works for us. Even in the finding what works for us we have to remember it isn’t failure it’s refinement.

How do I follow my energy and focus?

It’s simple. Start paying attention to when your brain slows down and when it picks up.

When you are exhausted, you get sluggish and mentally have no capacity for thoughts or ideas. All creativity is gone, and now you’re trying to force something; staring at a screen like, what in the world was I even doing?

Those days are literally telling you to stop. To take a walk, clear your mind, love on yourself, spend time in your Word, and reset.

Another scenario for me during the day, after meetings and learning new material, setting up structures for the business I will find my eyes starting to get dry, or I want to escape and doom scroll. Those are signals I’ve learned that tell me, okay, I need to take a break, walk away for fifteen minutes, and come back.

What my brain is seeking is a dopamine boost and if I don’t give it that, I burn out quickly.

Self-awareness is key, and finding your signals is super important.

On the flip side, when we have energy, obviously we know we can get three days’ worth of tasks done in a few hours. But I want to challenge you—in that energy—to still ground yourself in God’s Word so you can focus and use that energy in a way that glorifies Him in your day-to-day life.

When I first started building, I would have energy bursts and run with ideas and content that didn’t even align with my messaging and it just created busyness, not purpose (so be wary of the mask of performing).

What about the side quests?

Embrace them.

Here’s what I’ve learned: when we are aligned with God in full obedience, and we are praying in the morning to be used in whatever way possible that day—to serve who needs to be served—we are essentially saying, “God, have Your way. I give You control.”

Sometimes the side quests are really just stepping stones for God to do one of two things:

• Re-align you to the path you are supposed to be on.

• Re-direct your attention to what has yet to be completed.

Essentially, He fills our gaps, and His power is made strong in our weakness.

In the end…

I am still learning, but my dose of grace today is this:

Don’t keep burying your shame over what feels like failure. Pause when it happens and face it—you may learn something about yourself that was never “wrong,” just unacknowledged.

Give yourself permission to expand. In the beginning, it’s hard to slow down and be self-aware, so honor the learning curve.

Growth is a process, not a straight sprint.

You’ve got this.

xo, Jasmine.

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Surrender, in Hebrew, means to align or arrange oneself under the command of a divine viewpoint. You literally turn away from the offerings of the world, the opinions of others, and your own strategies for achieving life, and instead choose to stand under God’s divine viewpoint.

If we examine surrender from the perspective of slowing down, we begin to realize how amazing an experience it can truly become if we remain intentional and form habits around reminding ourselves that it is possible.

Over the last couple of days, I have come to realize that my fear was blocking me from slowing down fully.

By using my Fear Micromanaging Tool, I have been able to move past my overwhelm of how big the fear is and instead pinpoint each fear that has been holding me back from slowing down, fully embracing myself, and accepting myself for how I was created, instead of rejecting what made me absolutely beautiful in God’s eyes.

I found that I am so deeply afraid of man’s judgments and opinions on my life. Not just opinions already projected into my life, but the opinions I have also placed on my life because of the negative seeds planted in my mind. I found I had to forgive myself and others because most of the time, when judgments are placed in our lives by others, there is shared trauma and projection. People project onto your life what they will not face in their own to make themselves feel higher. Does it mean it was deserved? No, absolutely not, but that is what happens.

I want to share my entry from a few days ago that has truly started to change so much for me.

Step 1: Capture the Fear
Be honest and blunt. What is the fear claiming right now? Name it. Give it language.

“I am afraid of confrontation, and I shrink instead of standing up.”

Step 2: Process It
Trace the root. Why does this feel so big? What is the old script telling you? What triggered the fear? What happened in the past that made you suddenly remember something you once ignored?

Your History (where does this come from?):

“Growing up, I felt like everyone’s punching bag. Every time someone confronted me, it was never a good thing. I was falsely labeled. I was told I wasn’t enough. I was the sum of all my mistakes. I would never become more than my addictions, my attitudes, my cries for help. I was never good at anything. Everything I did was wrong, even if I really tried. My efforts meant nothing. Every time I tried to do something better to fix myself, my mistakes and flaws were thrown in my face repeatedly, and I sat there and took it. I believed it, and I let it define me. I never spoke for myself, and when I tried to speak, my words were not heard. Instead, they were dismissed.”

Right now, this is becoming a challenge for me. Spiritually, I have the ability to see a person’s heart through God’s eyes, and sometimes He gives me messages to share with others. These messages can be heavy, often containing correction or guidance. Every time I deliver one, the response is usually rejection. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, hits hard in these moments. It is painful because many people do not want to hear the truth, and their rejection can feel like a personal attack.

I remind myself that my responsibility is simply to be obedient to God’s mission and faithfully deliver the message. It is not my job to carry the burden of how others respond. Yet I still struggle with taking it personally, as if I have done something wrong. The truth is, I am just the messenger. The weight of acceptance or rejection is not mine to bear. My role is obedience and compassion, not control or validation. Yet that does not mean I do not struggle with it.

How did it define you? What is the lie underneath the fear? What are you believing about yourself that is not true?

The Lie (what false belief is driving this?):

I believed and became this thought: “I deserve it because I will never be good enough, and because I am not good enough, I have to shrink and never take up space.”

Now my present self and this gift are clashing with this lie and wreaking havoc.

Step 3: Replace the Script
Find a scripture to combat the lie. That lie does not have the power to control you if you replace it with the truth.

The Truth (truth to stand on):

But He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is being perfected and shows itself most effectively in your weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may completely dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

The truth is, we will never be enough, and I have to accept that. My weakness is not a flaw in my design. It was intentional so that God’s glory could shine through.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:6-9

God empowers me to be bold. I do not have to be small. I can have strength, and having strength does not mean reacting. It means responding with faith, not fear. They projected their insecurities to silence me, but in my strength I can speak in authority, even if in the beginning it is shaky, because God is with me everywhere and He speaks through me as He lives in me.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed and progressively changed as you mature spiritually by the renewing of your mind, focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes, so that you may prove for yourselves what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect in His plan and purpose for you.” Romans 12:2

I do not have to shrink to fit into the world’s expectations or to make others feel better about themselves. If anything, it is my responsibility to keep others accountable for their words and actions, not to prove myself worthy, but to plant seeds of growth. My worth is found in God and God alone.

“Enlarge the site of your tent. Stretch out the curtains of your dwellings. Do not spare them. Lengthen your tent ropes and make your pegs firm in the ground.” Isaiah 54:2

From the perspective of my fears, God in restoration never wants us to shrink in fear. He wants us to utilize what we have and the influence He provides in our lives to expand and grow within His tent of grace. He wants us to move into the promised land and inherit land and nations to testify for what He has done for us.

The Promise (what promise did He reveal through the truth that He will keep):

He promised that no matter where I go, He will always be with me. No matter who I speak to, out of obedience, He will console me when it gets heavy and when the enemy tries to lie to me. That is when I am sent out to hold His people accountable. I will not have to fear the response, as my sole responsibility is to move in obedience.

Step 4: Take Action
Now that you have the truth, how can you move forward from the habits that formed in response to your fears? How can you move differently? Speak differently?

Set Intentional Action:

Slow down and stop trying to prove something. Stop waiting for permission to live. Stop trying to be something you are not. Stop shouldering the burdens and let them go.

Since writing this entry, I have realized something important. Going slow is irritatingly painful for me. Slowing down feels like failure because I am not getting ahead. Somewhere in my mind, I have believed the lie that slowing down is the same as shrinking. That is crazy. What I am essentially trying to do in my own strength is prove to those people who spoke death into my life that I am not a failure and I am not just the sum of my mistakes. If I dig deep, I think at this point it is beyond that. I am trying to prove it to myself. I am trying to prove I can get there. If there is anything many people have said about me, it is “no matter how many times she falls, she gets back up.” It is true. But at what point do you stop taking hits in the ring?

My nervous system has been screaming at me. After years of pushing beyond my limits, my body is now sending signals I cannot ignore. My nervous system, specifically my autonomic nervous system, which controls stress responses, is stuck in overdrive. That is why I feel tension in my shoulders, tightness in my chest, and difficulty breathing when I try to step back. It screams, “No, you have to keep going. You have to finish the blog. You have to update the socials. You have to watch three lessons today. You have to sit at your computer all day, no food, no water. You are a machine without needs.”

I am now essentially stuck in chronic stress mode, which has been worsened by autistic burnout, feeling unsafe, and being crazily overwhelmed from the demands of being myself, being a mom, being a leader, being a business owner, being a student, being a daughter, being a sister, being an intercessor. Being late-diagnosed is bittersweet. While it finally makes sense and I can be myself, it has also brought me face to face with my lack of surrender altogether. Some days are better than others, and some days I forget I do not have to live this way anymore.

The other day, I found myself so frustrated trying to fix my body, to figure out what it needed and what it did not, trying to perfect the formula for wellness. Eventually, I just got fed up and said, “Lord, I surrender my body to you. You know what it needs, so help me.”

He replied, “Okay. Stop running.”

Sometimes we run away from ourselves in fear, trying to avoid discomfort, and in doing so, we create even bigger problems.

It is a journey, but it is possible, and I am learning a lot in the process.

• Surrender in my business: I constantly find myself in a loop of doing too much. I post on social media, follow the algorithm, and do all the things they tell you to do, and for what? I am trying to prove I am not failing, that I am actually doing something with my life and not just wasting away, because that is how it feels. Emotions can be liars. Instead, I am letting God make up my to-do list. I am letting Him lead.

• Surrender of my schedule: The 9-5 schedule does not work for me. 9-4 feels more fulfilling. By 4 p.m., I am checked out. If I keep going, I instantly burn out. Stopping earlier gives me time to transition from work mode to mom mode.

• Surrender of my mental and spiritual health: Not every day is productive. I have slow days where I blank and stare at my screen. Those days are not supposed to make me feel bad about myself. They are signals that tell me I am using work to cope with something I am missing. Walk away, journal, meditate, go for a walk. Notice what feels unsafe in the moment that you have to run from. Tai Chi has become a part of my life again, and it is peaceful.

• Surrender of performance: Waking up early is hit or miss for me. Some days I am on a roll. Other days I beat myself up for needing an extra hour. Then I feel like I am not doing enough. The mask of performance is real.

• Surrender of my physical health: Going on walks first thing in the morning brings clarity and stops the cycle of anxiety. I am calm, connected, and able to breathe. This is where God speaks to me the most. It is an intimate moment.

Tai Chi has taught me patience, acknowledgement of the body’s posture, strategic breaths, and control of energy. It has guided me to move with grace, patience, and a deep connection to inner safety. Power is not about force. It is about flow. It is about surrendering to the natural rhythms of energy within and around me. Tai Chi is often called a moving meditation, a dance between energy and intention, breath and motion. It embodies softness, relaxation, grounding, connection, fluidity, balance, and graceful power.

It is slowly re-teaching my nervous system to surrender control. Instead of being in constant fight or flight, the pent-up energy begins to flow like water, and I move from chaos to calm within minutes.

The difference it is making? I am no longer apologetic for my needs. I stop when I hit my limits. I go outside for air when it is too much. I have stopped comparing myself to others. I am bolder and more courageous. Instead of allowing shame to mold me, I allow vulnerability to shape me. I no longer hold a heavy shield around myself. I have put it down and laid it to rest, allowing God to tell me how to move.

I spend more intentional time with my son, implement healthier habits, catch my thoughts and fears more often, and allow God to move within me.

The biggest change for me is true safety within.

I am not the sum of what others have said. I am the sum of who God says I am, and I am finally letting that become enough. Body, Mind, Soul and Spirit. Not just focusing on Body and Mind but all of it as one.

We feel fear on a spiritual level because our hearts are open, but that sensitivity can make the world feel like a constant threat. If you’re weary from the masking, the lashing out, and the exhaustion of trying to keep up, you deserve a place to lay it all down. This isn’t just a template or to-do list; it’s a way to partner with the Holy Spirit to uncover what’s really pulling the strings. You aren’t ‘broken’ for feeling this way; you’re just carrying a weight you were never meant to shoulder alone. True strength isn't found in white-knuckling the rope, but in surrendering the 'how' and 'why' to the One who already has the way.

Access the tool below. Give yourself permission to unmask your fears, replace the lies with His truth, and finally move with faith again.

Micromanaging Your Fears

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“As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!” - Psalm 40:11

The word keep appears in the Bible 1,769 times. This isn’t a random number—it carries weight and meaning. In Hebrew gematria, numbers often hold symbolic significance. The number 1769 is linked to ideas of preservation, divine order, and covenant. It reminds us that God’s keeping is not arbitrary but intentional, rooted in His promises and faithfulness. The Hebrew word often translated as keep is “shamar” (שָׁמַר), which means to guard, watch over, or preserve. It’s the same word used in God’s covenant with Abraham: “As for you, you shall keep my covenant, you and your offspring after you throughout their generations” (Genesis 17:9). This covenant wasn’t just about rules—it was about relationship, trust, and being preserved for something greater. When we see the number 1769, we’re reminded of how often God’s preservation is woven into the fabric of Scripture. It’s a call to reflect on how He keeps us—not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

Preservation in Scripture isn’t passive. It’s not just God keeping us while we go about our lives without thought or care. Preservation is a partnership. For God to truly keep us, we must also keep Him—keep His Word, His presence, and His promises close to our hearts. David understood this when he wrote,

“Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust” -Psalm 16:1.

Trusting God is an active choice. It’s surrendering our fears, our doubts, and our control to Him. It’s saying, “Lord, I believe You will guard me, even when I can’t see the way forward.”

This truth resonates deeply with me. There have been times in my life when I felt completely undone—like I was standing at the edge of myself, staring into an abyss of uncertainty. Seasons of loss, heartbreak, and overwhelming pressure have left me questioning if I had the strength to keep going. I’ve wrestled with fear and shame, clinging to the illusion of control because letting go felt too risky. Yet, in those moments, I’ve also felt God’s quiet strength holding me together. It wasn’t dramatic or obvious, but it was there—a peace that surpassed understanding, a whisper reminding me that I was not alone. That was God keeping me. He didn’t just preserve my physical being; He preserved my soul.

David’s cries for preservation weren’t just poetic—they were deeply personal. He knew what it was like to be surrounded by enemies, to feel overwhelmed, and to have no one else to turn to but God. I relate to that desperation, to the vulnerability of saying, “God, I can’t do this without You.” And yet, like David, I’ve seen how surrendering my fears and doubts to Him has brought about a kind of preservation I could never achieve on my own.

Preservation requires surrender. It’s hard to let go of what’s familiar, even when we know it no longer serves us. We cling to comfort because it feels safe, but that safety is an illusion. God is calling us to something greater—a life of freedom, peace, and purpose. But that life requires releasing the parts of ourselves that are tied to who we used to be.

David’s prayer in Psalm 17:8-9 captures this beautifully: “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, from the wicked who do me violence, my deadly enemies who surround me.”

To be kept by God is to be cherished, protected, and hidden in His love.

Augustus Hopkins Strong once said, “Preservation is a work of divine power, exercised in the behalf of the living organism, by which all its parts are kept in their normal condition and are prevented from dissolution.”

This profound statement reminds us that preservation isn’t just something God does—it’s part of who He is. He has designed us with preservation in mind. Just as our DNA carries the instructions for our physical bodies to repair and sustain themselves, so too does God’s spiritual DNA infuse us with the ability to be kept by Him. Being kept is in our very essence. It’s written into the blueprint of our existence. From the moment we were formed, God’s intention was to preserve us—not just for survival, but for a life of purpose and relationship with Him.

Take a moment to reflect: What are you holding onto that’s preventing you from experiencing God’s preservation fully? Is it fear? Shame? The illusion of control?

I’ve asked myself these same questions in my darkest seasons, and the answers weren’t easy to face. But surrendering those things to God allowed Him to do what I couldn’t—preserve not just my life, but my soul. Trusting Him with my brokenness has been the hardest, yet most beautiful, part of my journey.

What Being Kept Looks Like

For those of us with ADHD, ADD, or AuDHD, God’s keeping can look unique. It’s often less about perfection and more about alignment, grace, and intentional support. Here are ways it can manifest:

Grace over Performance

Neurodivergent brains often operate on nonlinear paths. You might start a devotional, get distracted, forget, or hyperfocus on one aspect and neglect another. Tasks feel uneven, schedules crumble, and perfection feels impossible. Yet God keeps you in the middle of the mess.

His preservation doesn’t hinge on completing every checklist item or showing outward “success.” It rests on His unchanging faithfulness. He sees your intentions, your effort, your heart—even when you feel like you’re failing. Learning to receive His grace over your performance is a daily practice: letting go of guilt over unfinished prayers or scattered routines and resting in the truth that His keeping is not transactional.

Trust me I understand this all too well and I wanted to show you what I mean. Lately shame has been eating at me so I chose a devotional that fit for me and I started to go deeper and try to break down the ins and outs of shame and I was making so many connections that I started a book the next day that connected with the first day of the devo then reflected on that just to find myself 3 days later and I haven’t even gotten to day 2 of the devo because something in day one and in the book led me to a scripture and now its day 3 and I’m making shame connections in the scripture. It may seem chaotic to others but for me it works and God keeps me and then guides me gently back so be okay with it and give yourself that grace.

Gentle Rhythms and Structure

For neurodivergent believers, structure is both life-saving and elusive. Our minds might resist routines or shift unpredictably, making consistency feel impossible. Yet small, intentional rhythms can anchor our attention and bring God’s presence into the chaos.

This might look like a 5-minute morning prayer, a single verse to meditate on, or listening to worship as a reset during sensory overload. It’s not about perfection—it’s about intentionally creating spaces where God can meet you, even in the midst of mental restlessness or distraction. These rhythms honor God’s design and help your mind, body, and spirit find moments of preservation.

Sometimes it takes actively stopping, breathing, and allowing God to hold you and encourage you to meditate in His presence.

Safe Community

Isolation is a real struggle. Many of us believers feel like we don’t “fit” in traditional church environments, which can feel overwhelming, overstimulating, or even judgmental. Being kept by God often comes through people who understand our brains, honor our rhythms, and hold space for your unique ways of processing faith. Safe communities allow us to explore Scripture at our pace, ask questions without fear, and participate in worship in ways that nourish rather than drain. God’s preservation is relational, and sometimes His keeping comes through the encouragement and understanding of others who walk alongside you.

This one is major, and it’s why I created this environment—to let you know that no matter what, you are seen, known, and loved. I want us to feel like we can truly belong. The crazy thing is that when I lived undiagnosed, I truly thought God wanted me to stay alone with Him all the time. But that deep sense of unbelonging also inspired me to create a space I had always needed but never had growing up. That’s powerful, because sometimes what we lack can become the very solution we seek within our purpose and calling.

Patience with Yourself

Impulsivity, distraction, hyperfocus, and executive function challenges can make daily life feel like a constant battle. You might start a prayer, get pulled into a task, and lose track of both. God keeps you in these moments. Practicing patience with yourself mirrors His faithful keeping—it’s recognizing that your struggles aren’t failures, but a part of how He has created you. It’s giving yourself space to stumble and still approach Him, to pause without guilt, and to know that His preservation is not contingent on your consistency.

Personally, I believe this is patience in the process. Even if every day you are making only small progress, you are still walking in His will.

A major thing to remember is this: first, God created us in His image (Genesis 1:27); second, in our weaknesses, He makes us strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10); and third, God has instructed us to learn to be content in every situation (Philippians 4:11-13).

Note: Contentment takes time because it is learned. What we often don’t realize is that discontentment is a lack of trust. If we trust that God created us this way on purpose, it means we can be content with Him, with His creation, and with His will for our lives.

Active Surrender

Neurodivergent believers often carry layers of fear, shame, and hyper-responsibility. Routines can fail, overwhelm can hit suddenly, and emotional intensity can spike. Choosing to surrender these moments to God is an act of preservation. Active surrender might look like:

• Speaking a short prayer during a panic wave, anxiety, or sensory overload

• Pausing to breathe deeply and intentionally invite God into your present moment

• Anchoring your attention on a scripture verse or a tangible reminder of His presence
  Even when it feels like your brain is running away, surrender invites God to keep not just your tasks, but your heart, your mind, and your soul.

This one gets me all the time, and I usually fall from grace! What I try to do in these moments of sensory overload is focus on two things: over-ear headphones with either slow worship to remind me of God’s presence, alternative rock if I’m feeling angry, or rap if I just need to distract my racing thoughts—and getting some fresh air. I’ll sit outside or go for a walk—anything to distract my mind and give my eyes a break.

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But surprisingly—I was wrong.

In the months leading up to his passing, God had been preparing me. I didn’t see it then, but once I looked back, it all made sense. For years, I had this quiet awareness that he might not be with us much longer. He didn’t take care of himself well, had several health issues, and spiritually, there were battles I sensed he was facing. Every time I saw him, part of me would think, “What would I do if he were gone?”

It’s a strange thing—how God starts helping us let go even before we realize it’s happening. Over time, I began to notice how He had placed me in a season of isolation. At the time, it felt lonely, heavy, and honestly, unfair. But now I see that in that quiet place, God was walking me through the very grief I feared. He was helping me face the things I had been running from for years.

And through that—through the grief—I met a version of God I had never known before. In that sacred space, I began to learn what it means to master grief.

Now—how does one master grief? Honestly? You don’t. But you do learn to become self-aware of your habits, your cycles, your defaults.

For me, grief would trigger something deep in me—this sense that I wasn’t safe. And that lack of safety made me want to run. Not just run from the pain, but sometimes, to run from God.

It sounds backwards, I know—but when you think about it, grief activates the body’s fight-or-flight mode. And fight-or-flight is saturated with fear, anxiety, and shame. All fruits of the enemy.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

2 Timothy 1:7

In those moments, I’d find myself tempted to go back to old patterns. I’d forget who God is to me and who I am in Him. I’d try to numb the ache by running to false love—or more truthfully, lust. For a long time, I struggled with pornography. At the time, I didn’t understand that what I was really seeking wasn’t lust—it was dopamine, the chemical reaction that made me feel wanted, seen, loved. Because in my childhood, love always felt just out of reach.

Even now, I still face those temptations sometimes. But the difference is this: now, my spirit speaks up. I sense the Holy Spirit whispering, “You have a choice.” And it’s in that space I’ve learned something important—grief doesn’t have to lead us away from God. It can lead us to Him.

Scripture reminds us,

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”

Psalm 34:18.

He doesn’t run from our pain—He meets us in it.

Grief can make or break us. And I’ve come to the conclusion: losing a person is very different from losing control, or losing the idea of what your life would look like. But the pain? The racing thoughts? The hopelessness? Those things tend to echo the same lies.

So how do we biblically change our perspective? How do we keep from running away—and instead, learn to run toward our Savior?

Just feeling it isn’t enough. Our emotions are real, but they aren’t always reliable. If we just sit in them without guidance, they can take the lead—and before we know it, our minds start creating unhealthy narratives. We begin to believe lies. We stop hearing God’s voice.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Grief weakens those boundaries, and when we’re vulnerable, the enemy sees an opportunity to move in. It’s a tactic of spiritual warfare.

But when we choose to process, we fight back.

For me, that looked like journaling. Sitting down with my raw emotions and asking God to join me in the middle of it.

I would ask:

• How does this make me feel, really?
  Naming the emotion: sadness, anger, loneliness. Not filtering it. Just being honest. (Psalm 62:8 – “Pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.”)

• What truth can I find within this visible lie?
  If I felt abandoned, I reminded myself: “Nothing can separate me from the love of God” (Romans 8:38-39). If I felt like I’d never feel joy again, I held onto Psalm 30:5 – “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

• What does God want me to see here?
  Maybe it was a place where I still hadn’t fully trusted Him. Maybe it was a pattern He wanted to heal. “Search me, God, and know my heart… see if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

• Is there a lesson to be learned?
  Sometimes grief reveals parts of us we didn’t even know were broken. Sometimes it teaches us to depend on God more deeply. Sometimes, it shows us the strength we forgot we had.

This process didn’t “fix” me overnight.

But it gave me space to sit with the Lord and let Him do the healing.

David did this all throughout the Psalms. He cried out in deep grief—but he always circled back to hope.

“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God…” Psalm 42:11

So yes—grieve. Feel it.
But don’t stop there. Process it. Let it lead you closer to the God who promises to never leave you nor forsake you. Let it pull you into the arms of the One who turns mourning into dancing.

Grief may shake you—but it doesn’t have to destroy you. With God, even this can be holy ground.

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For many of us, especially those with ADHD, that inner drive can sometimes feel elusive. The usual motivation that comes from within—like the joy of accomplishment or the satisfaction of finishing a task—often doesn’t come as easily. Instead, it can feel like something is missing, as if there's a disconnect between our efforts and the fulfillment we seek.

ADHD is closely linked to issues with dopamine, a brain chemical that plays a key role in motivation, focus, and the reward system. When dopamine levels are low or inconsistent, it becomes harder to feel the natural rewards of completing tasks. This makes it difficult to get started or stay motivated, even when we know a task is important.

Here’s what I’m learning: this lack of motivation is not just a challenge; it’s also a signal. Once we understand it, we can turn to God and seek His guidance.

When we acknowledge that something isn’t feeling right, we can look inward and ask, “Lord, what is this trying to tell me?” “What are you trying to tell me?”

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Essentially, it’s our brain’s way of tapping us on the shoulder and saying, “Something here needs attention.” And because our wiring is different, that signal often shows up louder, sharper, or more dramatically than it does for neurotypicals.

For neurodivergent believers, this signal usually means one of three things:

1. The task isn’t aligned with our actual purpose.
Our brains can sense misalignment quickly. When something isn’t meaningful, purposeful, or connected to who God created us to be, motivation collapses. Not because we’re lazy — but because our minds are built to respond to purpose, not pressure. The absence of motivation becomes God’s way of redirecting us, gently saying, “This isn’t where your gift thrives.”

2. Our nervous system is overwhelmed, overstimulated, or depleted.
When we hit that wall of “I just can’t,” it isn’t failure — it’s our body signaling that our internal world is overloaded. Neurodivergence often live with heightened sensitivity, quicker burnout cycles, and deeper emotional processing. The signal is telling us, “Slow down. Your mind and spirit need rest, not more pushing.”

3. God is trying to draw us inward, not outward.
Because our emotional and sensory awareness tends to run deeper, those moments of confusion or disconnection often create the exact pause needed to hear God more clearly. The signal becomes an invitation into reflection, not discouragement.

It’s God calling us to check in and ask ourselves:
“Am I forcing something I was never meant to carry?”

This is why so many neurodivergent people feel “off” before we even understand why. Our brains and spirits work together in a way that allows us to sense misalignment early.

What feels like frustration may actually be discernment.

What feels like lack of interest may be God steering us toward something that will bring real fulfillment.

What feels like procrastination may be your spirit saying, “Not here. Not like this. Not anymore.”

This signal isn’t a flaw — it’s a built-in form of spiritual intuition, a way God wired us to stay close to His guidance. When something is draining us, when motivation disappears, when our spirit feels disconnected, it’s not punishment or failure. It’s a holy interruption. It’s God nudging us, reminding us that we were created to move with intention, not obligation.

The signal is not saying, “You’re broken.”
It’s saying, “Pay attention. Something here deserves your honesty.”

It’s an invitation to pause, listen, and realign — not with the world’s expectations, but with God’s direction.

For those of us who are also Highly Sensitive People (HSP), this heightened sensitivity can make us even more self-aware. We’re more in tune with the emotions, energies, and needs around us, which allows us to be more discerning about our own feelings and motivations.

This gift of heightened awareness doesn’t just leave us feeling overwhelmed—it can actually become a tool to partner with the Holy Spirit. Through discernment, we can recognize when God is calling us to take a different path, and in those moments, we can turn inward and listen for His guidance.

It’s in this space of awareness and partnership with the Holy Spirit that we find real clarity about our purpose. When we’re open to it, the Holy Spirit can speak to us through the feelings of disconnection or lack of motivation. What feels like confusion or frustration in our ADHD experience may actually be God’s way of steering us toward a deeper understanding of who He’s calling us to be.

What I’ve learned is that the pursuit of purpose is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of survival. When we focus on purpose, the motivation becomes natural. It's no longer about proving our worth by achieving external milestones or fitting into society's molds. It’s about living in alignment with the calling God has placed on our lives.

I’ve learned that I can be successful and build a thriving business—but without purpose, it means nothing. God has made it clear that money, fame, or recognition are not the goals. Our ultimate purpose is to bring glory to God in all that we do.

Scripture speaks to the importance of aligning our actions with God's plan.

Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." This verse reminds us that when we prioritize God and His will, everything else falls into place.

Similarly, Colossians 3:23 encourages us: "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." This reminds us that our work, whether in business or in daily life, is not for recognition or praise from others, but for the glory of God.

When we stop striving for survival and start seeking God’s purpose, the motivation, fulfillment, and joy follow naturally. The journey is not about pushing through out of obligation or expectation—it’s about surrendering to God’s plan and allowing Him to align our hearts with His.

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So, take a moment to reflect. What if the struggles you face, the things that seem like barriers, are actually part of God’s plan to draw you closer to Him and closer to your true purpose? Let’s stop trying to force things and start trusting that God will lead us exactly where we need to be.

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Then one day, while doom-scrolling through social media, I started seeing ADHD-related videos flooding my feed. At first, I ignored them. But then I stopped and really listened. I found myself thinking, Wait, I do that. I started connecting the dots, and before I knew it, I was crying. It was like my spirit was whispering, This is it. This is what you’ve been searching for. At first, I denied it. For two weeks, I pushed it aside. When I finally mentioned it to my mother, she dismissed it: “Stop labeling yourself just because of a video. There’s nothing wrong with you.” But deep down, I knew she was wrong.

I fell to my knees and cried out to God, “You knew me before You formed me in my mother’s womb. So tell me, what is wrong with me?” And instantly, I felt His confirmation: You have ADHD. Then a few months after I started questioning again like if I just knew it was much more going on and I had this dire want to suddenly help the autistic and I had no idea where that came from and God started to reveal to me that I am also autistic.

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For a moment, I was relieved. I finally had an answer. I called my grandmother on my dad’s side, and she said, “Oh yeah, your father has that.” In that instant, everything clicked. I finally understood why I felt a sense of belonging with my dad’s side of the family. But as the excitement faded, grief settled in. My entire life started making sense—the struggles, the addiction, the self-harm, the substance abuse, the rejection. The constant feeling of being out of place. Every time I tried to do something right, it was wrong in someone else’s eyes. For so long, I had carried the belief that I was a burden. That I couldn’t do anything right. That I was unloved. That I was misunderstood. And now, realizing I had been surviving this battle alone for 32 years—it hurt.

The more I learned, the more overwhelming it became. My traumas resurfaced, and I wanted to hide. I felt like I didn’t belong—not on Earth, not in the church—because I was different.

I struggled in jobs. The 9-to-5 world was overstimulating, demanding, and unforgiving. I wanted to do better, but my brain couldn’t process instructions the same way others could. I forgot things. I made mistakes. And when I was yelled at, I shut down. I was always late—not because I was lazy, but because I couldn’t process time the same way. Supervisors made comments that crushed me. Depression consumed me. I would go home and ask God, Why am I still here? If not for my son, I don’t know if I would still be.

School wasn’t much better. I was rejected, yet I desperately tried to fit in. I was always a little odd. Masking my true self was exhausting, and I lost friends because of my cries for attention and love. I didn’t know who I was. Everyone else seemed the same, but me? I wasn’t. I didn’t think the same. I didn’t learn the same. I didn’t function the same. I felt like a chameleon—blending in just enough to be seen but never heard. And when I did speak, I felt stupid, uninteresting. I sought approval in all the wrong ways. At home, I rebelled because I thought, What’s the point of existing when everything I do is wrong? When love feels foreign? I looked in the mirror and saw a monster.

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It was a silent battle. I cried myself to sleep more times than I can count, just hoping for something—anything. That’s when I started cutting. It was my way of proving I was still here. My way of punishing myself for never getting it right. The scars were my reminders that I would never be enough. Then came the alcohol and drugs—my escape. I didn’t want to face reality. Even sex became a way to feel something, anything. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t real. It was a fleeting dopamine hit. Now, I see that all my habits, my constant need for attention and validation, were just my brain chasing dopamine.

Over time, I became a loner in my own world. I still have people—I’m not completely isolated—but rejection in church and Bible studies has left scars. I stick with those who have accepted me for who I am, no matter what. I overanalyze everything—body language, words, energy. I’m socially awkward. I don’t always know what to say. Sometimes, I don’t understand words, and other times, if I’m not interested, my mind drifts. I used to think that was normal. Now I know the truth, and part of me grieves. I was right all along. I’m not the same. I never will be. But another part of me clings to hope, because I know I’m not alone.

There are so many women like me—survivors of trauma, loneliness, and misunderstanding—both in the world and in the church. I was always “too emotional” for my mother because vulnerability was seen as weakness. But I felt everything, so I acted out. It wasn’t healthy, but I survived the best I could.

Typing this out makes me sad. I’ve already shed tears acknowledging the truth. It hurts. I am grieving. But I also know I am not a burden. And I am not alone.

For the first time, I can look my inner child in the eyes and say:

I want the woman who has just been diagnosed to read that again and let it sink in.

Isaiah 44 reminds us of who we are in God’s eyes:

• Isaiah 44:1 (ESV): "But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen!" Reminder: We belong to Him because He chose us. Our faults, failures, doubts, fears, coping mechanisms, and traumas do not disqualify us from His love.

• Isaiah 44:3 (ESV): "For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." Reminder: When we feel unworthy, God speaks our identity over us. He sees our emptiness, our vast lands, and our fears about the future, yet He promises to fill our gaps with renewal and restoration.

• Isaiah 44:5 (ESV): "This one will say, ‘I am the Lord’s,’ another will call on the name of Jacob, and another will write on his hand, ‘The Lord’s,’ and name himself by the name of Israel." Reminder: We are marked by God. He is ours, and no one can take that from us.

• Isaiah 44:6 (ESV): "Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: ‘I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god.'" Reminder: Our lives are not random. Our past, present, and future are in His hands.

• Isaiah 44:8 (ESV): "Fear not, nor be afraid; have I not told you from of old and declared it? And you are my witnesses! Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any." God is the "I Am." Reminder: He is our rock when we feel unsteady. We don’t have to hold everything together—we just have to hold on to Him.

Babe, you are not alone. This space is for women like you and me—to recognize our worth on Earth as it is in heaven. To shift our perspectives on how we move forward, to heal, to grow, and to challenge each other in faith. We are not burdens; we are beloved. We are not broken; we are becoming. Here, we walk together as a sisterhood, hand in hand, reminding each other that even in our struggles, we are seen, we are loved, we are chosen, and in every moment of our lives where we seem like we aren’t enough we are defined by the grace provided by our loving father found in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Even when we are pressed by the weight of pressure that comes with truly being set apart; grace exists. Therefore you are I are Graciously Defined.

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Don’t Miss a Beat The word doesn’t stop here. Join the movement on YouTube and Facebook for fresh prophetic content and teaching tools designed to set you free.

Fuel the Vision We believe no one should feel unseen in faith spaces.

The Seeds of Grace Fund is our heartbeat—it’s how we fund the creative tools and community support that change lives. When you give, you aren’t just donating; you’re partnering with us to restore and redefine what ministry looks like.

Partner with Graciously Defined Here

Psalm 42:5 when he said, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation.”

I went weeks like this, and I couldn’t get myself out of this funk—realizing my hope had been misplaced, but also being so self-aware that something was wrong. I recognized I wasn’t going to be able to bring myself out of it, so I slowly took the steps to seek God, His voice, and ask Him, What is it that has me so lost?

This isn’t an unfamiliar pattern for me. When things get overwhelming, it triggers me. It’s frustrating when you have ADHD because it keeps you in a spiral.

When I’m overwhelmed, it feels like my brain just stops processing and gives up, and in a sense, I do too. It’s like I’ve lost the hope to keep moving forward.

Finally, this morning, God said something that made me realize the loop I am caught in—and have been caught in for years—is running from love.

What happens when the experiences in your life have made you protect yourself from feeling any kind of love?

When the love you received throughout your life wasn’t what you needed, so you learned to run from it?

What if growing up, you longed for the love you desperately needed, but you started to believe it was too good to be true—or that you didn’t deserve it? That’s me.

Love makes me uncomfortable, and it makes me sad to think this is something I struggle with. But if I’m honest, it all makes sense. One minute, I’m so in love with God’s love and entirely obsessed. The next thing I know, I’m running away because I forgot how good He’s been to me. I forget that even in the silence, frustration, and hardship, He is still by my side. In my tests of maturity, I feel unsafe, forgetting He is my strength and strong tower.

Trauma’s Role in Shaping Love

The truth is, trauma has a way of shaping how we view love. Growing up, my love was fear-based so this all makes sense. I was taught to fear my mother in order that I would respect her. It was very rare that I felt loved at home because my lack of self-love caused me to lash out and because of that I was always met with violence or anger.

Here’s the thing if the love you received in the past came with conditions, rejection, or pain, it can leave you believing love is something to fear or avoid.

You start to associate love with hurt, abandonment, or inadequacy. For me, love feels like a trap, a place where vulnerability leads to betrayal. For others, it feels like a goal they can never reach, something always just out of grasp.

Science backs this up. Trauma rewires the brain, particularly the amygdala, which processes fear, and the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking.

When past experiences have taught you that love is dangerous or unreliable, your brain can become hypervigilant, always on the lookout for threats—even when they aren’t there. This is why healing requires not just emotional work but spiritual renewal as well.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

This renewal starts by recognizing the lies we’ve believed about love and replacing them with God’s truth.

God’s Love as the Anchor

God’s love is the opposite of what trauma teaches us. It is perfect, unconditional, and healing. His love doesn’t abandon us when we fail or ask us to earn it. Instead, it meets us where we are and transforms us from the inside out. When you meditate on scripture like

1 John 4:18 (“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear”),

it begins to rewire your thinking, replacing fear with trust and insecurity with assurance.

If you struggle to trust God’s love, start small. Spend time in prayer, asking Him to reveal His love to you in a tangible way. Reflect on moments in your life where His grace carried you through. Create a gratitude journal to document these experiences, and let them remind you of His faithfulness.

The Process of Experiencing God’s Love

Understanding and experiencing God’s love is not something that happens overnight. It’s a journey, a slow and intimate process that requires patience and trust. Rewiring our minds to believe the truth about God’s love takes time, but it’s not impossible. It’s a deeply personal journey, one that is unique to each of us. God’s love is not just the love of a father; it’s the love of a father, brother, and lover all in one. It’s a love so profound and incomparable that it cannot be matched by anything or anyone else.

This love is beyond human comprehension. It doesn’t waver based on our circumstances, mistakes, or feelings. No matter where we are or what we’ve done, His love remains constant.

Romans 8:38-39 assures us, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

To embrace this love, we must be willing to let go of the lies we’ve believed and trust that His love is enough. It’s not rushed; it’s a relationship built over time, through moments of vulnerability and surrender. His love is intimate and transformative, healing the deepest wounds and filling the emptiest places in our hearts.

Practical Ways to Embrace Love

1. Start Small: Practice accepting compliments or acts of kindness without deflecting them. Allow yourself to receive love in small, manageable ways.

2. Cultivate Gratitude: Keep a journal where you write down moments of love, kindness, or grace you experience each day.

3. Seek Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with people who reflect God’s love—those who encourage, uplift, and support you.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself believing lies about love, counter them with scripture. For example, replace “I don’t deserve love” with Romans 8:38-39, which reminds us that nothing can separate us from God’s love.

5. Engage in Therapy: Consider seeking professional help, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or EMDR, to address unresolved trauma and rebuild a healthy view of love.

Recognizing False Love

When love feels unsafe, it's natural to seek it elsewhere, in places that feel easier to control or less risky. For many of us, this search for love can lead us down paths of temporary relief—alcohol, pornography, self-harm, drugs, and toxic relationships. These things promise a quick fix, a way to numb the pain or escape the emptiness. They might give us a dopamine hit, a fleeting sense of relief, but they don’t nurture our hearts or draw us closer to the truth.

I know this all too well. In the past, alcohol, pornography, self-harm, and drugs became my best friends. I thought they loved me better than anyone ever did because they gave me the escape I craved. They didn’t require vulnerability. They didn’t challenge me to heal or grow. They just numbed the pain and kept me going for another day. But the love I found in these things wasn’t real love. It was false love—temporary, fleeting, and ultimately empty.

False love often begins as a coping mechanism or a means of filling an emptiness. It takes root when we seek comfort or validation in temporary fixes, believing they will heal us or make us feel loved. Over time, false love distorts our view of what love truly is, causing us to settle for less than what we need and, ultimately, pushing us further away from God.

The Cause and Effect of False Love on Our Relationship with God

Here are some common forms of false love, their causes, and how they affect our relationship with God:

Alcohol

Cause: Seeking escape from pain, stress, or loneliness.
Effect on Relationship with God: Alcohol numbs the pain, but it also numbs our ability to hear from God. It leads to spiritual dryness, where we are unable to connect with God deeply because we are too distracted or numb to feel His presence. The more we rely on alcohol for comfort, the more distant we become from God’s voice and guidance.

Pornography

Cause: Seeking control, validation, or a false sense of intimacy.
Effect on Relationship with God: Pornography fosters a distorted view of love and intimacy. It creates shame and isolation, making it difficult to approach God with honesty. It undermines the beauty of real connection, which God desires for us in relationships. This false love distorts our understanding of God’s love and makes it harder to trust in His plan for our relationships.

Self-Harm

Cause: Desiring control over emotional pain or feeling unworthy of love.
Effect on Relationship with God: Self-harm often comes from a place of deep emotional pain and self-rejection. It distances us from God’s love because it reinforces feelings of unworthiness, preventing us from accepting the grace He offers. We may feel as though we need to punish ourselves to atone for our mistakes, further breaking our connection with God.

Drugs

Cause: Seeking a quick escape or relief from emotional or mental anguish.
Effect on Relationship with God: Drugs alter our state of mind and perception, making it harder to experience God’s peace and presence. They provide temporary relief, but they create a barrier between us and the healing God wants to offer. The more we rely on substances to cope, the more we lose sight of God’s peace and the deeper healing He wants to bring.

Toxic Relationships

Cause: Seeking validation or love from others who are emotionally unavailable or unhealthy.
Effect on Relationship with God: When we invest in draining or unhealthy relationships, we may begin to feel unloved, unworthy, or disconnected from God. These relationships can make us question our value and diminish our ability to trust in God’s perfect love. We may begin to look for love in places that are not rooted in God’s truth, leaving us spiritually depleted.

Materialism

Cause: Seeking fulfillment and happiness in possessions or status.
Effect on Relationship with God: Materialism creates a false sense of security, leading us to rely on things instead of God. This shifts our focus from eternal treasures to temporary ones, leaving us spiritually empty and dissatisfied. We become distracted by the things of this world, and our connection with God weakens.

Perfectionism

Cause: Believing that love is earned through achievement or perfection.
Effect on Relationship with God: Perfectionism keeps us in a constant cycle of striving, making it difficult to rest in God’s unconditional love. We believe that we must be perfect to be loved, and this mindset leads to burnout and feelings of inadequacy. It prevents us from fully experiencing the freedom God offers through grace.

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The Fruit of False Love

False love produces dead fruit. It may look like it’s offering something fulfilling, but it leaves us empty, broken, and unfulfilled. It leads to a cycle of seeking more of the same, but the satisfaction never lasts. Here are some signs of dead fruit in our lives:

• Shame: False love causes us to hide, ashamed of who we are and afraid of being seen by God. We feel unworthy of His love and grace.

• Addiction: We become dependent on things that numb our pain rather than heal it. This creates a cycle that we can’t break on our own.

• Isolation: False love drives us away from others and from God, leaving us alone in our struggles.

• Anger and Bitterness: When false love fails us, we may become resentful and angry, not understanding why we’re still empty despite seeking fulfillment.

• Self-Destruction: Whether through self-harm, unhealthy habits, or destructive relationships, false love often leads us to harm ourselves, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Real Love and Its Impact on Our Relationship with God

Real love is different. It is the love that comes from God, and it is not about what we can do or how we can perform—it’s about trusting in God’s grace and allowing His love to transform us. Real love requires vulnerability, trust, and surrender. It may challenge us to grow, but it also brings healing, joy, and peace. Real love leads us into deeper intimacy with God and brings healing and wholeness to our lives.

Here are the characteristics of real love and how it contrasts with false love:

Patience

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love allows us to trust God’s timing. It helps us be patient with ourselves as we grow, knowing that God is working in us, even when we can’t see immediate results. Unlike false love, which demands instant gratification, real love teaches us to wait on God’s perfect plan.

Kindness

Impact on Relationship with God: God’s love is kind, and it teaches us to be kind to ourselves and others. When we experience God’s kindness, it draws us closer to Him and enables us to reflect that kindness in our relationships.

Trust

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love teaches us to trust God completely. It invites us to surrender control, knowing that He is good and trustworthy, even when we don’t understand the path He’s leading us on. Real love fosters a deep connection with God, built on trust.

Forgiveness

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love forgives. It helps us release bitterness and resentment, allowing us to experience God’s forgiveness and extend it to others. This brings healing to our hearts and restores our connection with God. We can approach Him with honesty, knowing we are forgiven and free.

Hope

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love is filled with hope. It helps us see beyond our current struggles and trust that God has a plan for our lives, even when things feel uncertain or difficult. Real love reminds us that God’s promises are true and that He will bring good from every situation.

Endurance

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love endures. It strengthens our faith and helps us keep going, even in the face of challenges. It teaches us that God’s love will sustain us through every trial, and that nothing can separate us from His love.

Selflessness

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love is selfless. It helps us to focus on others and serve them with a heart that reflects God’s love for us. As we follow His example of sacrificial love, our relationship with Him deepens, and we become more like Him.

Truth

Impact on Relationship with God: Real love rejoices in the truth. It allows us to live authentically before God, acknowledging our weaknesses and failures, but trusting in His grace to transform us. Real love is rooted in God’s truth, and it helps us walk in the light.

The Fruit of Real Love

Real love produces good fruit that nourishes us and leads to a deeper relationship with God:

• Peace: Real love brings peace that surpasses understanding, allowing us to rest in God’s presence.

• Joy: Real love brings lasting joy, rooted in the assurance of God’s love for us.

• Healing: Real love brings healing to our hearts, minds, and bodies, restoring us to wholeness.

• Freedom: Real love sets us free from the bondage of sin, shame, and fear, enabling us to live fully in God’s grace.

• Growth: Real love causes us to grow in our faith, becoming more like Christ and bearing fruit that blesses others.

Conclusion

False love may seem easier or more immediate, but it ultimately leads to emptiness and separation from God.

Real love, on the other hand, requires vulnerability, trust, and surrender.

It may challenge us to grow, but it also brings healing, joy, and peace. When we embrace God’s real love, we experience a deep, fulfilling relationship with Him that transforms our lives and draws us closer to His heart.

Sisters, I want you to know you are not alone. Healing from trauma and learning to accept love is not easy, but it is possible. It requires courage to confront the lies and strength to trust God’s truth. You don’t have to do it all at once. Take small steps, and remember that God’s grace is sufficient for you.

Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Lean on His promises and let His love transform you. You are worthy of love, not because of what you’ve done, but because of who He is.

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Friends, as we walk this path together, I want to say this: please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. He reminds us:

“I heard your call in the nick of time; the day you needed me, I was there to help.”

Now is the right time to listen. The day to be helped is today. Don’t put it off. Don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late or doubting yourself. Our work as God’s people gets validated—or not—in the details. And yes, even details that feel small or exhausting matter.

For neurodivergent hearts and minds, this can feel especially real. Whether it’s managing overwhelm, coping with executive dysfunction, hyperfocus that leaves us drained, emotional highs and lows, or simply feeling unseen—people are watching. They notice your perseverance, even when you can barely see it yourself.

Paul wrote about this struggle in 2 Corinthians 6:1-10:

“Our work as God’s servants is tested in the hard times, the messy times, the moments when we’re exhausted, overlooked, or misunderstood; when we give our all with pure hearts, steady hands, and clear minds; when we’re telling the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable; when we’re praised or blamed; when we feel ignored by the world, but recognized by God.”

Reading this, I thought: yes—this is us. The world doesn’t always see our effort. They don’t notice the small victories, the mental energy spent simply staying alive and showing up. They don’t see how we’ve organized our lives in tiny, intentional ways just to function. But God sees it all.

There have been countless times I’ve been on my knees, whispering, “God, I’m tired of this. I can’t do this anymore.” Maybe you’ve felt the same. The exhaustion of overthinking, the frustration of sensory overwhelm, the loneliness of living in a world that doesn’t quite understand your wiring—it’s real. And Paul gets it.

He knows how much it hurts, yet he says, “Don’t quit. The fight isn’t over yet. Keep standing your ground.” He warns, “Don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late, doubting everything you’re doing.”

And I have to be honest—sometimes I lash out at God in my frustration. I’ve said, “God, You must have the wrong person for this job.” And I imagine Him smiling, saying, “Really? You think so?”

That honesty is okay. God doesn’t need perfection. He needs authenticity. And even when we feel like our brains are too loud, our emotions too intense, or our struggles too big, God notices the small, steady acts of faith.

Paul also reminds us that even when we feel invisible, people are watching. Who notices when we calmly navigate sensory overload? Who sees when we complete a task that felt impossible? Who recognizes the effort it takes to manage emotions or relationships that others take for granted? God sees—and sometimes, that’s enough.

Here’s the key truth: even when we feel like we’re failing, God is working through it. Even when all we see is pain, confusion, or stagnation, He is creating something lasting. And sometimes, having nothing—or feeling like we have nothing—is exactly what we need to recognize God’s presence.

So if you’re neurodivergent, navigating life in ways others might not understand, I want you to hear this clearly:

• You cannot give up. Your presence matters. Your effort matters, even if it’s invisible to others.

• You cannot turn away from God. He loves you too much to let you go, even when the road is hard.

• You are not alone in the struggle. Even Paul faced the same doubts, the same pain, the same exhaustion.

So return to your humble position. Open your hands. Let go of the guilt and frustration. Stand at your post—your unique wiring, your brain, your emotions, your strengths, and even your vulnerabilities are all part of God’s plan. He sees it, and He’s using it.

You are enough. Your work is enough. And your life is more powerful than you realize.

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In this area, there's a narrow path with trees aligned to my left and a fence to my right. As I walked, the wind blew, and yellow leaves fell. It was beautiful and a little magical in the moment as we walked through this space. Then I heard a voice say, “see, even the trees know when to shed their old leaves.” I sat with that for a second and remembered how the Bible frequently compares us to trees. Then my second thought was a song, one I cannot remember at the moment, but the lyrics hit me quickly: “even all of creation obeys Him.”

Did you know there are three reasons why trees shed leaves when it rains? I found the reasons fascinating and relatable.

1. Hydration: Heavy rain provides trees with ample water, prompting them to shed old, dehydrated leaves and replace them with new, healthy ones.

2. Weight Reduction: Wet leaves become heavier, increasing the strain on tree branches. Shedding old leaves helps reduce this weight, preventing branches from breaking under the added pressure.

3. Renewal: Rain can trigger a response in trees to shed older leaves as part of their natural renewal process, making room for new growth.

The trees shed leaves when it rains because they know it would be good for their continual growth. This is beautiful to me because it not only speaks to the very nature of God and His creation, but it also speaks to us. When it rains, it usually pours in our lives, but that weight it leaves is meant for us to shed and let go of. Also, we have another scenario in life when we get caught in continual patterns of old but are too stubborn to welcome in the new.

Change is difficult, but I wonder, is it really? Is it really difficult, or is it that we aren’t simply letting go and embracing the change of renewal? Or maybe it’s because of our daily intrusive thoughts and the lies we tell ourselves. The fear, the worry, and the doubt shouldn’t matter because we are trained to give our burdens away to God. The trees do it every day, not just with the rain, and so should we. Also, a big thing that helps is to be aware of our peace. We all have things that take us from a place of peace to a place of chaos; the question is, are we paying attention to those things? Are we asking the necessary questions to ourselves and observing what agitates us and what brings us joy?

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In the past few days, I have recognized that change is easier when I am aware of what is affecting my peace because peace comes from a place of balance, and vice versa. Three things I will leave you with to ponder are this:

1. Just as the tree, we need to remain hydrated in truth to allow God to rejuvenate.

2. Just as the tree, we need to release the weight so that we don’t bend and break.

3. Just as the tree, we need to expand and create space for renewal within this new wine skin.

So today, be the tree and let it go.

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This bothered me, mostly because I cared too much about what people thought of me, but also because I realized the more I heard it, the more it affected me spiritually. As a parent, I have been navigating how to approach my child without the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse I encountered as a child. Because of this, there are a lot of ups and downs, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of apologies. The problem with the mentality of our children not being allowed to seek a friend in us is that trust isn’t established.

I have found that keeping an open line of communication with my son without judgment and projecting my experiences onto him gives him the confidence to be himself. It also gives him the right understanding and tools he needs to navigate weird and scary things in his newfound middle school life. I say this because the other day we were riding our bikes and he asked me, "So, mami, how was your day?” I replied with all the things that happened in my day, and for whatever reason I said I’m also struggling with a situation, and I explained the situation. He then proceeded to ask me questions to understand more, and his response was so mature for a 12-year-old. It made me proud to see what an amazing young man he has become. So I then asked him, “What are you struggling with?” As he was explaining his struggle, I realized he didn’t quite have the right wording or understanding of what he was going through, but he was trying to figure it out alone. That revelation is exactly why I believe we can be friends with our children.

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What I need you to see is that the conversation started in the position of mother and son and then switched to a position of friends helping each other. After this conversation with my son, I found myself questioning God: If we can’t be friends with our kids, then please tell me why it feels so normal when I remove myself from a mother role into a friend role. I feel like I am finally getting a breakthrough with my son. God replied, “Since when do we listen to what the world says”? Yikes.

But he was right. That is what the world says. If God can be Father in one moment, brother in another, and friend in the next, then why, as parents, can’t we do the same thing?

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

After reading this scripture, I have a question. How do you truly expect your children to honor you if you have not fully represented God wholeheartedly through you as a parent?

This left me thinking the only way to truly navigate my parenting is to utilize God’s different strategies of love, patience, grace, and understanding. Therefore, it is my job to know what my son’s love languages are so I can love him the way he needs it. I know what my love languages are, but mine don’t line up with his; therefore, I must learn. I also must learn the signs that tell me when he needs love or allow him to approach me and verbally let me know he doesn’t feel like he’s enough. Or let me know when he’s overwhelmed and needs a hug. Or a big one is knowing his insecurities and squashing them with God’s love.

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I am also learning the beauty of being patient with his pace. Growing up, if it wasn’t done exactly at that moment, it was like the world was ending, and the yelling was ridiculous. I am realizing his pace is not the same as mine. I am learning that I need to be patient with his heart and his emotions. If he’s upset, although as a mother I want to know what it is and automatically fix it, I know that as a friend he needs time to process, and I have to respect that and know that in due time he will let me know what he needs so I can step into that appropriate role.

Lastly, grace is so vital because children make mistakes. They aren’t going to get it right all the time; they will forget, and they will make retarded decisions, but it’s our job to say, It’s okay. Let's acknowledge what and where we went wrong and take it from there. Where can we make room for improvements?

Isn’t this what God does? He loves us unconditionally and gives us his whole self. Father, brother, and friend, I want to be a mother, sister, and friend. I want to protect, guide, love, respect, honor, give advice, allow growth, and give grace. I mean, the list goes on and on, but I want to be that example of Jesus on Earth to my son, no matter what that looks like.

The question is do we even know what each role truly entails?

To be an effective Mother we must operate within the boundaries of that role. That looks different for everyone but what I am learning is it requires:

1. Unconditional Love: Embracing God's love means extending unconditional love to our children. This means loving them not based on their achievements or behaviors but simply because they are our children. As God's love is unwavering, our love as mothers should be a constant source of support and affirmation.

2. Patience and Grace: God's love is patient and filled with grace. As mothers, we must cultivate patience when dealing with the challenges and mistakes our children may make. Offering grace allows us to forgive and guide them with compassion, mirroring the forgiveness and grace we receive from God.

3. Teaching Godly Principles: Instilling a foundation of godly principles in our children is crucial. This involves teaching them values such as kindness, humility, and empathy. Drawing inspiration from the Bible, we can guide them to make choices aligned with God's teachings.

4. Leading by Example: Being an effective mother within the boundaries of God’s love requires leading by example. Our actions and attitudes should reflect the virtues we wish to instill in our children. Just as God sets an example for us, we, too, should exemplify the qualities we want our children to embrace.

5. Prayer and Dependence on God: Recognizing our dependence on God is fundamental. Through prayer, we seek guidance, strength, and wisdom in our role as mothers. Trusting in God's plan and seeking His guidance allows us to navigate the challenges of motherhood with faith and resilience.

6. Individualized Parenting: God's love recognizes the uniqueness of each individual. Similarly, effective motherhood involves recognizing and respecting the individuality of each child. Tailoring our approach to their needs, strengths, and weaknesses allows us to nurture them in a way that aligns with God's love for His diverse creation.

7. Creating a Nurturing Environment: Just as God provides a nurturing and loving environment for us, mothers play a vital role in creating a home filled with love, security, and acceptance. Fostering an atmosphere where children feel valued and loved contributes to their emotional well-being and growth.

   

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   ---

To be an effective Sister we must operate within the boundaries of that role. That looks different for everyone but what I am learning is it requires:

1. Compassion and Empathy: God's love is characterized by compassion and empathy. As sisters, we are called to understand and share in the joys and struggles of our siblings. Being compassionate means offering a listening ear, providing support, and expressing empathy in times of need.

2. Encouragement and Affirmation: Just as God encourages us, effective sisterhood involves being a source of encouragement and affirmation. Celebrating our siblings' achievements, acknowledging their strengths, and offering words of support can contribute to a positive and uplifting relationship.

3. Forgiveness and Reconciliation: God's love is forgiving, and as sisters, we are called to forgive and reconcile. Conflicts may arise, but extending forgiveness and seeking reconciliation fosters a bond that reflects God's love. Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

4. Respect for Individual Paths: Recognizing and respecting the individual paths of our siblings is essential. Each person's journey is unique, and as sisters, we should avoid imposing our expectations. Instead, we can offer support and guidance while allowing room for personal growth and choices.

5. Shared Values and Spiritual Growth: Effective sisterhood within the boundaries of God's love involves sharing values and encouraging spiritual growth. This may include engaging in spiritual discussions, praying together, and supporting each other's faith journeys.

6. Quality Time and Bonding: Building a strong sisterly relationship requires investing time in quality moments together. Whether through shared activities, conversations, or simply being present, creating meaningful connections strengthens the sisterly bond.

7. Support in Times of Need: Just as God supports us in our times of need, effective sisters offer support during challenging moments. This may involve providing practical help, offering emotional comfort, or being a reliable presence in times of difficulty.

   ---

   To be an effective Friend we must operate within the boundaries of that role. That looks different for everyone but what I am learning is it requires:

1. Unconditional Support: God's love is unwavering, and effective friendships should reflect this quality. Being an effective friend means offering unconditional support, and standing by your friend in both good times and challenging moments.

2. Honesty and Transparency: God values truth, and effective friendships are built on honesty and transparency. Being open with your friend, sharing your thoughts and feelings, and encouraging a culture of openness contribute to a healthy and authentic friendship.

3. Respect for Boundaries: Just as God respects our individuality, effective friendships require respecting each other's boundaries. Understanding and acknowledging personal space and limits contribute to a relationship built on mutual respect.

4. Empathy and Compassion: God's love is compassionate and effective friendships involve practicing empathy. Being attuned to your friend's emotions, showing understanding, and offering compassion create a supportive environment where both friends can thrive.

5. Celebrating Differences: God's creation is diverse, and effective friendships embrace and celebrate the differences between friends. Valuing each other's unique qualities, perspectives, and experiences contributes to the richness of the friendship.

6. Shared Values and Morals: Building a friendship within the boundaries of God's love often involves sharing common values and morals. Aligning on fundamental principles creates a strong foundation for friendship and helps navigate challenges together.

7. Forgiveness and Reconciliation: God's love includes forgiveness, and effective friendships require the ability to forgive and reconcile after conflicts. Understanding that everyone makes mistakes and being willing to move forward with grace fosters a resilient friendship.

8. Quality Time and Presence: Spending quality time together and being present in each other's lives are essential aspects of effective friendship. Whether through shared activities or simply being there for one another, these moments strengthen the bond.

9. Prayer for Each Other: Incorporating prayer into friendship deepens the connection and acknowledges the importance of God's presence in both your lives. Praying for your friend's well-being, challenges, and joy fosters a spiritual dimension in the friendship.

10. Encouragement and Affirmation: God encourages and affirms us, and effective friends do the same. Offering words of encouragement, acknowledging achievements, and affirming your friend's worth contribute to a positive and uplifting friendship.

    ---

Every role requires something new, different, and sometimes similar, but what you don’t see in these roles are unhealthy things. The problem lies in remaining within the boundaries of God’s love. The reality is, I am not saying you are going to tell your kids everything. Nor am I saying you will allow them to speak and act against you as if they have lost their minds. If God doesn’t allow us to think highly of ourselves before him, why would we allow them to do the same to us?

Three things that must be established ahead of time are:

• Respect

• Authority

• and Discipline.

Otherwise, this kind of relationship will be utterly difficult. The reality is that if we haven’t established those things within our relationship with God, things will not move along as smoothly as we would like. We wouldn’t be able to trust God or allow him into the many deep spaces of our hearts. Truly think about this for a moment and ask yourself: If God never stepped out of a father role and into a friend role in your life, how different would that relationship be? Would you have allowed him into your heart? Would you be able to allow him to mold you?

Our children deserve more than just our authority and discipline. They deserve the chance to know that, aside from their parents, there is a place for them in the kingdom when they don’t call the world "home." I, too, was like my son, trying to figure it out on my own. The difference is that I didn’t have someone willing to be my friend when all I needed was love. I was met with rejection, and I hated myself more and more trying to find answers that were mainly overcome by drugs, addiction, and self-harm. I didn’t feel like I ever had a home until I found Jesus. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my son to feel this way, trying to navigate the world on his own only to be led in the wrong direction.

We can change.

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From now on, I strive to guide my son differently than the generation before me, and I vow to not continue the long lines of abuse. It’s liberating to know I can do differently because I look at my son today and see an intelligent and humble young man with a brighter future. That doesn’t mean he won’t face trials, because he will. It means that when he faces them, I’ll be right there fighting with him. As his mother, his sister, and his friend.

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I set a goal, and I was in motion; I grabbed my house keys and was dead set on taking the dog for a long walk.

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As I grabbed my keys, I heard the little small voice tell me, “Go grab YOUR keys and not these.” I didn’t listen; I said, “It’s okay; I’ll use these.” So not thinking anything of it, I took the dog out, let God speak to me, enjoyed the fresh air, and got back to the door, and can you guess what happened?

…yup, I had the wrong key (I thought it was a spare welp I was wrong). In my moment of panic, I stopped, looked at the dog, and said, “Well, now what do I do? No one in this neighborhood has a spare to the house.” Which is utterly stupid, but it’s not my house; no one in the family has a key except for my mom, but she works an hour away, and if I call her, she will literally kill me. (BTW I called her and she basically yelled at me for not paying attention…sigh like I needed that). So now I’m outside with the dog, thinking to myself, yeah, now what? Then I heard that little voice again say, “Go check the window to the room, Eli (my son) closed it last night, but knowing him he didn’t completely lock it.”

Little small voice - 2 points

Me - 0 points

The window was open, now the challenge was to get in. I needed a step stool but instead scoped my surroundings, found a cinder block and climbed in. Crisis averted. In the end, I didn’t need to call anyone, I didn’t need to get yelled at, and I didn’t need to ask a neighbor for a stool. All I needed was God to say, “Hey, I’ve got you covered.” But the reality was, I wasn’t listening.

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Sometimes in the dark moments of our lives, we run and hide. Sometimes when I have to be accountable for my emotions, I lose myself in what happened and not in the fact that God has already given me a way out. Today, I learned that he has already given me a window to climb through to get out of this darkness that has taken root in my garden. He has already provided the grace to uproot the shame. Sometimes I feel like in my internal house of trauma I’ve built this image of all these closed doors full of vines, darkness, and swamp, and God is just like, what are you doing? Why are you running back to that? Why won’t you run to me? Why are you not listening?

I have realized in the past, since I always felt alone, I internalized everything, and I would run to alcohol, drugs, and pornography to give me some sort of love. Now the things I run to look like self-blame and self-judgment and though not as severe as numbing the pain, it still has a major effect on my self-esteem, worth, and value. I have been caught in a cycle of defining myself by things said to me by people who don’t understand me. Not only that but I have isolated myself because the lies I have told myself are the same ones I believe when people see me. It’s something I am working on, but I am realizing shame can be overwritten with God’s grace.

That window reminded me of Luke 12:27-28 when God says if I clothe the lilies with everything they need and they do not worry, why do you? You of so little faith? He’s right; why do we worry that we will fall back into fear if the Bible literally says we won’t in Romans 8:14-17.

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Not only did I learn a valuable lesson, but something inside me is healing because I know now that God has everything I need for me even in this season of accountability, and I need not to worry anymore about anything.

Reminder of the day (say it out loud, repeat it if you have to): I am a new creation in Christ; I have been adopted into the kingdom as His daughter, an heir to the throne. So, no matter what narrative the devil has for me, he can try and tilt my crown and steal it from me, but he will not succeed because I will rise again in hope and faith that God is for me and never against me. I am loved by my Father now and forevermore, so much that He is my refuge, and I can run to Him, and I will be safe.

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It wasn't until the owner said, "It doesn't have to be perfect; in life, I've learned that sometimes good enough is perfect," that it hit me. I had never considered it that way before. The truth is, we will never attain perfection because we weren't designed to be flawless. Absolute perfection is a quality unique to God. In the Bible, perfection refers to a state of completeness or absolute wholeness. It means being free from faults, defects, or shortcomings. To reiterate, "freedom from fault, defect, or shortcoming." It's within our brokenness that we discover a holy and perfect God residing within us.

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God is perfect in every way. Everything He does is just right. His understanding is flawless. His path is perfect, and His words are spotless. His laws are perfect too. God's will is also perfect and pleasing. In the Bible, it says that Jesus became perfect through suffering. God, who created everything, decided to bring many children into glory. It was only fitting to make Jesus, through His suffering, a perfect leader who could bring people to salvation.

Even though Jesus was already morally perfect as God in human form, His suffering and death made Him perfect in a different way. This made Him the perfect high priest to intercede for God's people. Through His suffering on the cross, Jesus accomplished the work of redemption and became the perfect Savior for His people. He showed us the perfect example of living in obedience to God's will.

In Matthew 5:48, God's children are called to be perfect. This doesn't mean we can be as perfect as God, as He is uniquely holy. Instead, it means we should imitate God as beloved children. Children often imitate their parents, so as God's children, we should imitate Him and reflect His perfection in our lives.

That got me thinking: when is "good" actually "good enough"?

The answer lies within our weaknesses. It's a concept that profoundly impacted me and transformed my perspective on life. This idea is rooted in a scripture I turn to daily during moments of weakness.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Have you ever wondered why, in times of weakness and insecurity, the enemy is quick to whisper, "This is why you're a burden; you'll never be enough for others, and you'll never be enough for God"?

It's because he doesn't want you to discover the freedom that comes from embracing your weaknesses. He also doesn’t want you to encounter God’s grace because it's in those vulnerable moments that you step into the power of God.

Let me pose another question: Can you recall the last time you were feeling down, allowing the enemy's lies to consume you, and then turned to God, only to be met with open arms and His comforting words, "Daughter, you are perfect to Me just the way you are"?

I had such a moment not long ago, and I realized that the relentless pursuit of perfection stemmed from my childhood, where I often sought to please my mother. Little did I know that her way of doing things was influenced by her unique personality, and I had a different approach. We still don't see eye to eye on many things today, but I've come to understand that she's particular and has her preferences, while I tend to be more easygoing. From my perspective, I felt like she was trying to mold me into her image, which, by the way, never worked. You see if she had known how to embrace my weaknesses, affirm them, and help me understand that we're not meant to be perfect, maybe I wouldn't be struggling with this issue today. The truth is, back then, they didn't know any better, and they weren't taught differently. These experiences have left a lasting impact on me, and it's been traumatic because it wasn't just her actions; others reinforced the idea that I was somehow less than everyone.

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The sad thing is, I allowed it to speak death over my life and define me as purposeless. I was always depressed because I felt like I had no place to fit in. My family looked at me like I was a disease, I really had no friends because I didn’t know how to be one, and I used drugs, alcohol, and self-harm to hurt myself because deep down I thought I deserved it. Now, I’m not sharing this for nothing. I just want you to see and understand where I am coming from. Grace has changed my life because it wasn't ever given. Paired with therapy, it transformed my dark vision and gave me light. My heart is clean, and I feel like now I can breathe.

Am I saying sometimes I won’t struggle with this again? No, absolutely not, I will. But this time, my mind is equipped with knowledge and wisdom that will help me from the lies. The truth is God wants us to know that we aren’t enough and He wants us to accept it.

When God revealed to me that I have Autism and ADHD, my first reaction was fear. I didn’t yet understand what it fully meant, but my immediate thought was that this made me “weak.” It felt as though the diagnosis had confirmed the enemy’s whispers all along—and it broke my heart.

But what I’m learning is this: if God were to reassure me that I am enough in myself, I wouldn’t need Him. That’s not His nature. In fact, in Exodus 3, when Moses asked God, “Who am I?” God didn’t respond with reassurance or validation. He said, “But I will be with you.” Moses was seeking confirmation of his own worth, but God offered something greater: His presence and promise. Had God told Moses, “You are enough, you can do all things,” it would have shifted his focus inward, toward himself.

So we aren’t enough—and I wonder if this is exactly why neurodivergent people are made the way we are. Perfect in God’s eyes, imperfect in the eyes of man, to reveal this truth to all of His people: no one is enough without God.

So The next time the devil says, 'I am not enough,' I can put it into practice and repeat to myself, 'His grace is sufficient for me,' no matter what I've done, what I can't do, what others think because my weaknesses will be made strong through the one who saved me. Honey, your weaknesses are beautiful, and your good is good enough in God's eyes, and that's the only perspective that matters.

A book recommendation: You Are the Key: Turning Imperfections into Purpose by Caitlin Crosby

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