Often times I find myself putting on a show solely because I care too much about how I am seen, how I say specific things, whether what I said was too blunt, or too weird—was it taken the wrong way? Then that leads to this mask of: well, maybe I should do it their way, or maybe I should do it this way, instead of just trusting in myself to do it the way that works for me and my brain.
Or I have found myself, especially with my business, looking for new strategies and learning new ways to do things, and then I try and realize: nope, that doesn’t work for me. Nope, if I do that, I’ll be exhausted by next week and then just shut down everything. Then my ADHD will lie to me and tell me I need to start over because people are watching. Then I have a whole new fear loop telling me I’m not enough.
Good Lord, masking is so exhausting. And then picking up other people’s masks is so much worse, because the truth is a lot of people running businesses are going through the same thing, but they are hiding behind their masks and teaching you theirs. In the end, we’re all hiding behind a wall of frustration, exhaustion, and overstimulation. (Mostly with social media and how I show up; even here in Substack it feels like so much pressure and I know it’s me putting that on myself.)
I’m just convinced there is no “right way.” You just have to find your way.
…anyway, I went on a tangent.
The Story of Mary and Martha
What I found funny was that this whole problem led me to Luke 10:38–42 where Jesus visits the home of two sisters, Mary and Martha.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
